Culture Tips on Overcoming Laziness: Lazy Advice

| Thursday, 29 November 2012 10:05

Hey, lazy pants. I know you haven’t showered yet, let alone brushed your teeth. That funky smell, yeah, it’s coming from you.

You may be depressed, you may have just broken up with your significant other, or you may be working from home – or worse, not working at all. It’s tough to get out of a slump, trust me, I know how it feels. If you need a pick-me-up or need to feel proactive, Google searching “how to get motivated” or “ how to not be lazy” yields some pretty pointless and hilarious advice, and hey – at least you’d be doing something.

Useless Tip # 1: Get More Sleep
As a logical human being, I have a hard time believing that getting MORE sleep will make you less lazy. Isn’t sleeping too much the problem in the first place? Will you be SO rested that you magically won’t want to rest anymore, resulting in an instant BURST of desire and motivation? I doubt it. Being all cozy in bed just makes me want to be more cozy, in bed. This method reminds me of the time my mother caught me smoking and made me smoke a whole pack to teach me a lesson. Sure, it was disgusting, but I also developed an unhealthy nicotine addiction instantaneously. Fail.

Useless Tip # 2: Wash your face.
“As soon as you wake up in the morning, just wash your face and freshen up. It’s a very easy way to wake yourself up a bit more and start the day off right.” Excuse me, what? If all it took to motivate an individual was a sprinkle of water, then someone needs to hose down first year college students. I kid, beer pong frat parties are totally motivational – at least you have something to do this weekend.

Useless Tip # 3: Listen to Energetic Music.
While I do agree that listening to Swedish House Mafia is better than listening to James Blunt’s depressing tunes (hello, impending emo-meltdown), listening to music won’t get you out of the house, it’ll just make your time spent at home more enjoyable. Maybe you’ll dance around in your pajamas for a while, but when you’re pooped, you’ll go back to watching infomercials & The Soup marathon on E!

Useless tip #4: Eliminate the things that aid in your procrastination.
So now, instead of doing something (as unimportant as it is), you’re doing absolutely nothing. Good advice. I’m not one to support Facebook stalking, but think about it: at least on FB you have the chance to stumble upon that ex-boyfriend’s profile only to learn he has a hotter, younger new girlfriend. See how fast you get your chunky ass to the gym after that.

Useless tip # 5: Make a list of goals & just do it.
Again with the stellar advice. If the dishes in the sink are growing a new life form, I highly doubt “go for a run” will be checked off on your to-do list. If you don’t feel like you are accomplishing anything, the motivation to actually do anything is almost non-existent. In order to feel motivated, you need to have your actions rewarded. Start with some pretty obvious goals like: get out of bed. Check. Call mom. Check. Put on some pants. Check. Once you achieve the smaller things, you can work your way up to some bigger goals like, open the drapes or throw out 2-week-old milk. Only when you are completely disgusted with yourself will you actually do something about it.

I can go on and on here; post your goal publicly, set a deadline, and squash negative thoughts, are some other tips that people suggest in order to get out of that deep, dark hole of shame you’ve gotten yourself in to. But the truth is, nothing will get you out of it but change. That’s all. Change everything because it’s not working in the first place. Don’t you feel enlightened? Didn’t think so.

By: Angelique Picanco

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