Culture Items You Might As Well Remove From Your Bucket List

| Friday, 23 November 2012 15:55

There’s no denying that we, as humans, are dreamers. As we spend our time in office cubicles and 500 square foot apartments, can you blame us for fantasizing about doing big things!? Of course not. But who’s in charge of hyping up the more popular bucket list items? Because I have a serious bone to pick with them. Here are a few things you don’t need to do to feel like you’ve had a fulfilling life.


Run a marathon

Let me preface this by saying I am a runner. I love hitting the pavement with little more than some wind resistant shorts, a military grade sports bra, overpriced Nikes and my music. But I find it SO bizarre to encounter how many people plan to run a marathon one day. Need I remind you that a marathon is 42 kilometers or 26 miles? The culprit here is television, glamorizing weary participants crossing finish lines and falling in to the arms of loved ones. Do I need to describe how training really goes? Or what chaffing is? If you’re prepared to put in the hours, deal with the pain and make best friends with carbs, I’ll hold up a witty sign towards the half way mark. I assume that’s where the hypothetical wall usually is. And if I hear the words “Tough Mudder” one more time, I might just start my own impossible obstacle mud pit.

Swim with Sharks

I’d understand this ambition if it were dangerous. In reality, you have two real options when it comes to shark diving today; fighting claustrophobia a few hundred feet below the surface in a cage, or getting up close with some toothless, miniature sharks. Both involve the world’s most uncomfortable apparel, wet suits, and neither can guarantee that your disposable water-proof camera will get a brag worthy shot. Have we all forgotten that dolphins are safer, smarter and if you go down without goggles, look about the same? Visit any high end resort, shell out the few hundred dollars, and have a similarly emotional quality time with some sea folk, life intact.

Climb Mount Everest

This outlandish dream is good for one reason, sherpa employment. Did you know that one guy has reached the summit 21 times? This monumental feat has also been accomplished by a 13 year old boy and just this year, a 73 year old woman. Am I blowing your mind? Well, the fact is, dozens of people are up there daily, and thousands yearly. When you think about it, it’s like an expensive, life threatening trip to an amusement park. There’s going to be a line, long wait times and no good food. Please, don’t sign us up.

Participate in La Tomatina Food Fight

Granted, this one isn’t AS popular as the previous bucket list items, I can still debunk it. Each and every year, thousands upon thousands of gorgeous tomatoes are wasted on the skulls of “crazy” participants. I hate getting food trapped under my nails when I cook, so the thought of having soggy tomato bits between my toes, or dripping from my unmentionables…gives me the heebie geebies. I’m pretty sure that for a lot less money and effort, you could throw an equally disgusting party in your own home.  Or you know, make a solid tomato sauce and feel enough accomplishment from that.

Meet [insert famous celebrity]

Is it possible to get any closer to Ryan Gosling, then to watch The Notebook? Well, for some lucky individuals, yes. But for the average fan girl, this one isn’t going to happen no matter how many times you tweet at him. But don’t feel bad, this isn’t necessarily a bad thing. No celebrity is as awesome as they seem on our screens, and in this case, dreaming means the absence of heart break, body odor and men being much shorter then they appear. Learn from my experience. I got to meet a celeb of my dreams, and now have the world’s most embarrassing photo on my mantel. Not so glamorous.

There is nothing wrong with dreaming BIG and making a list of all the things you want to do seems like a tidy way to go about accomplishing them. But when you’re writing yours, consider the less spoiled thrills still available to you. You know, like discount tattoos, ride shares on craigslist and good old fashioned skydiving.

By: Eva Severed

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