Culture Reasons I’d Rather Own a Dog Than Have a Baby

| Friday, 21 December 2012 15:15

I’m still a young woman, but family gatherings simply cannot pass without one of my elders enquiring as to when I’ll make my folks in to grandparents. It’s not that I won’t ever bless my home with the pitter patter of children’s feet, but for now, I think the sound of four paws on my hardwood would make me infinitely happier. Here are some reasons trading cribs for kennels is a good idea.


There’s no arguing that dogs cost less than babies. There’s food, college funds and iPhone’s to consider for little humans, weighed only against newspapers, leftovers and socks I can’t find the match for, for pups. Dogs also think treats and belly rubs are priceless.

The ability to leave them at home

I am not about to give up traveling, going out, or making the wrong decision to stay out all night. Leaving a baby alone at home is criminal, but dogs love having the chance to sort through garbage and bark at people passing by, in peace.

Just as many adorable sweaters/accessories (if not more)

Dressing up a teacup chihuahua as a burrito will get infinitely more “awww’s” than another “Ipood” baby onesie. Besides, that same burrito suit will last the lifetime of the dog, whereas babies love growing out of things faster than you can buy ’em. I can also act out my mohawk obsession on a pooch hairdo without disapproving grandma’s.

They’ll eat anything

I don’t want to worry about if my kid’s food is healthy, what mode of fake transportation to send it over on (here comes the airplane!) or what hilarious cartoon shape will convince my kid to eat it. Dogs will accept anything if you’re good enough at convincing them you’re enjoying it first. Even better, they’ll eat just about anything you don’t like too.

They can protect you from a break in

When I go to sleep at night, I can rest assured that any crooks breaking in are going to meet the inside of my dogs jaws before they get to me. Sure, small dogs might only yip yip loud enough for you to wake up and do something about it, but baby crying is always selfish and never life saving. Babies can’t tell someone you’re trapped in a well either (thanks, Lassie).

Dogs don’t ruin your figure – they improve it

I like wearing skimpy dresses, it’s true. So why sacrifice my booty for a little one who’ll likely give me grief with her own skimpy dresses when she’s a teen, when I can get out for three walks a day with a dog instead? Dogs make great running partners!

Dogs are easier to potty train

Diaper bags have come a long way, but that hardly makes up for what they’re used for. I’d stoop and scoop, or train my dog to discretely drop it’s deuce beneath a bush, ages before accepting baby stink in my house.

Dogs love to sleep

Some, for full days at a time. That sure beats babies and their waking-up-at-3:00am-for-a-snack college kid tendencies. And even though some dog beds are pretty bitchin’, they’re cool on the floor.

They love you, even if you suck

Babies are super judgmental, and can instantly write someone off if their facial hair is intimidating. And when they don’t like you, they make it embarrassingly known. Even if you were out later than you said, forgot to pick up more treats or are having a reality television phase, dogs will wag their tales and lick you. It’s the sort of unconditional love not even your mother can give you.

Parents love to talk about how amazing parenthood is. Fact is, I’m not at all ready for the extra laundry, wallet photos and “mom jeans.” Consider adopting a furry four legged baby when walks, cuddle time and the occasional vet visit are all you can handle.

By: Eva Severed

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