Welcome to this month’s edition of WTFRU Wearing?! – A feature showcasing the atrocious fashion decisions that we see in everyday life.
Let us begin by saying that we do not wish to suggest to any of our followers that we here at Bitchin’ Lifestyle are perfect dressers. We are not. We have our off-days too. Luckily, we’re the ones with the camera.
With that being said, we do pride ourselves on having enough taste to throw something together that does give the illusion that we know what we’re talking about. At the very least, we try to match.
Which brings me to this month’s mistaken maiden.
At a first glance, this look reminded me of something we’re all too accustomed to seeing on TLC’s What Not To Wear. You know, the one that doesn’t look that bad? I was inclined to let this look live on just to stick it to those bratty bitches, Stacy and Clinton. Quite frankly, I loathe the dynamic duo, and their disastrous ability to turn everyone into H&M pod people. But I digress. The point is, that I owe it to this lady to tell her where she went wrong, even if I hate to admit that Stacy and Clinton might be right on this one.
While she does score points for color-coordinating her army hat with her khaki purse, she fails miserably with the rest of her unfortunate ensemble. The hat, the purse, the accessories, the boots – all signs that she must have done some heavy planning to come up with something like this. Her efforts, even if they are uncoordinated, are promising. So cheer up and take some notes.
I know what it’s like to have an eccentric aunt who keeps all her clothes from the 90’s. She is convinced that like platforms and matte brown lipstick, her chunky Frankenstein-inspired boots will one day claim their righteous place in the must-have vintage section of In Style's Deals & Steals. They won’t, and neither will these faux - which is a fancy word for fake - patent leather boots. So ditch them for something sleeker if you insist on wearing tights.
If your vitamin water and cigarette are any indication as to what you’re trying to pull off – I would say rebellious-indie-hipster - mission NOT accomplished. Hoodies are considered casual wear. Zebra print tights are not. Just like Richard Simmons and hot pants, these two things should never be forced together – nor should we be subjected to it.
Lastly, a piece of advice, and feel free not to take it, after all, we do need more WTFRU wearing submissions. A solid black shirt paired with some wicked pumps would have been the right way to sport these crazy bottoms. The tragic army gear, yellow-cab hoodie, and animal-tights are just not that into each other. If I were these clothes, I would break up with you.
Remember: If you would have spent half the time you did mapping out your look flipping through a fashion magazine instead, I’m sure this whole ordeal could have been avoided.
- Angelique Picanco