Being born in the 80s I have seen my share of horrible hair, but ‘Business in the Front, Party in the Back’ takes the cake. Also known as the Mullet, the ‘do’ is short at the front and sides, and long in the back. While this hairstyle emerged in the 1960s and 70s – David Bowie’s being the most popular - it was only in the 80s that men and women alike began getting creative with it.
By creative, I mean making it as big and noticeable as possible. During the 80s the coif called for spiking, layers, and frosting…and that was just for the men. Soon, women, teens, and even children were sporting this look – making it one of the worse trends to spread the world… like a disease. The style was so popular it seeped into the 90s once more when people began perming just the tail (the long locks in the back.) Just when you though the look would fade, a country music singer broke my achky breaky heart with his version of the famous hair – Billy Ray Cyrus sported a well kept hair style in the front but there was definitely a party in the back. Today, the mullet still maintains a presence in certain communities.
Possibly even more repulsive than the mullet is the Croc. It’s a shoe/sandal/clog made out of plastic foam consisting of tiny cells that are waterproof and moldable. Oh, and they come complete with their own ‘ventilation’ system: holes. The shoe became popular in 2003, deemed as ‘comfortable’ by all those who wear them (walking around naked is also comfortable, but not too many people are going to work in their birthday suit, so I still don’t get it.) Doctors swear by them, saying that they are perfect for podiatric issues, but let’s get real - they’re ugly as sin.
They are so ugly that people have united in solidarity against the Croc, creating Facebook groups and websites in retaliation. With over 1.4 Million fans ‘I Don’t Care How Comfortable Crocs Are, You Look Like A Dumbass’ is one of the many Facebook groups that prides itself in hating Crocs with a passion. 1. 4 Million people can’t be wrong. I Hate Crocs dot com went a step further by documenting numerous ways in which to destroy the shoe, one which includes using fireworks – personally I’m a blowtorch kinda girl but hey, to each their own.
Despite this global hatred, there seem to be more people that actually love them – which is worrisome on its own. The Croc epidemic doesn’t seem to be dying out any time soon either. They come in over 20 colors, and are available for children and adults alike. An increasing amount of people think it’s ‘ok’ to be sporting these badboys at work and at clubs (I’ve seen it), when they should be reserved for your day on the farm or … where no one can see you wear them.
Daisy Dukes might be cute and sexy in the movies but wearing them out in public can cause serious car accidents. Made popular by "Daisy Duke” in the early 1980s TV show Dukes of Hazzard, short-shorts have recently reemerged in the fashion realm. Some styles are so short, they can pass for underwear. Whether we blame California Girl Katy Perry or Lady Gaga’s persistent refusal to wear pants of any kind, what was once reserved for music videos or movies, has now become mainstream. Oy vey.
What harm can Daisy Dukes really cause you ask? None in particular, except that the extremely mini, form-fitting, jean cut-off shorts worn by women these days don’t exactly leave anything to the imagination. As you would imagine, the short allows for most of the ass-cheeks to hang out the back and because these shorts are cut so high, even frontal cleavage happens when you sit wrong. Hello cameltoe, good bye pride.
The Trucker Hat, which falls under the umbrella of douche bag couture, was a blessing in disguise. A bright, flamboyant ‘red flag’ for women everywhere, these hats were the trademark of all the Jersey Shore wannabe’s, warning them of just which slime ball to stay away from. Those of you unfamiliar with fist pumping & techno music may not know about the Trucker hat’s reputation; envision a puffier, more mesh-like baseball cap that was worn loosely on the head, as if it didn’t fit properly. The front section of a trucker hat above the bill is made foam, and slightly taller than the regular baseball cap.
The hat was often accompanied by an overly embellished t-shirt, sometimes sequined, and was tight in nature. Pioneers of the hat were of course, truckers and famers, but the look became popular in the early 2000s when Pharrell Williams, Justin Timberlake and Ashton Kutcher wore them. Hipsters argue that they have been wearing the trucker hat since the 80s and had stopped once they became mainstream. Of course they did. Unfortunately, douche bags didn’t get the memo and still wear them today. Some argue (read: me) that the hat wouldn’t have been so bad a fashion item if it weren’t for some of the people wearing them.
I’m going for it because it needs to be said. Ear gauges are revolting. Especially nose gauges. Body piercing and stretched piercing has been common in all cultures throughout the ages, but ear gauging only became popular in western cultures recently. And while the smaller gauges don’t bother me and can actually be quite edgy, I can’t help but envision what those earlobes will look like in 30 years.
Right now, youngsters think it’s cool; they’re rebelling against their parents and the world’s perception of beauty by stretching holes in their earlobes so big that they can tie their hair with the excess flesh. That’ll show everyone. I get it - you listen to Incubus and Sublime all day. By all means, continue. But when your 50 years old those ‘cool holes’ will start turning into saggy, fleshy tissue that’ll no longer hold any type of earring. You might be able to fit a frying pan in there, but I doubt that will fly around the office. At some point working at the local music shop in the alternative section is not going to cut it anymore, so what then?
Since we're pretty sure there can be an exhaustive list of horrible fashion trends out there, we invite you to shower us with your answers below.