1 – Bar Fights
Actual craziness can work to a person’s advantage in two ways with a bar fight – for one you can get away with pretending to be crazy, for the other, you’d better be legit. In nine out of ten good brouhahas, there’s a decent amount of posturing that goes on before anyone actually gets hit. The general rule is – the guy that yells and screams and swears the loudest is usually also the guy that wants to avoid the fight the most. Each combatant basically tries to “out-crazy” the other, hoping that if they can make their antics seem psychotic enough, the other guy’ll back down. If neither guy really wants to fight whoever’s the best at being pretend-crazy wins.
But pretend-crazy only works if both guys are pretending. Throw a real crazy person into the mix and they have a legitimate advantage. While they may not be great at yelling, they sure are great a stabbing people in the face with a broken beer bottle. Size doesn’t even matter half the time because insanity-rage generally wins more scraps than it looses.
2 – Reality TV Stardom
When it comes to real-life, being acting crazy equals lost jobs and psychiatric assistance. When it comes to reality TV personalities, acting crazy equals talk-show appearances and ratings. If Gordon Ramsey gave polite, constructive feedback to his trainees instead of his trademark hole-ripping verbal tirades, would the show be as popular? No, it would not. If Heidi Montag didn’t have a deranged view of her body that made her undergo ten surgical procedures in a day, essentially plastifying herself, would she be all over the gossip rags. No again. If Susan Boyle hadn’t had a sanity-threatening meltdown after her unexpected rise to fame, would she still be as popular as she is today? Probably. She’s an inspiring story, but I’m sure it didn’t hurt.
3 – Art.
From the masters of old to the contemporaries of today, it just seems like crazy artists get the most notoriety. Sane art is apparently boring. At some point this may have had to do with the belief that genius breeds insanity, hence Vincent van Gogh severing his own ear in a fit contributing to people’s opinions about the misunderstood virtuoso.
At the same time, there are many contemporary avant-garde artists who have made millions off delusional ideas that actually somehow paid off. It’s hard to tell if the insanity is real in these scenarios or if these are simple artists who have come to understand that the crazier their work is, the more interest it seems to generate. Why spend months crafting an elaborately detailed painting or sculpture requiring dedication and skill when you could just smear some blood around on a canvas or take a dump in a tuna can and have buyers go, “He’s so disturbed, he must be brilliant!”
4 – Committing Murder
Possibly the best example of a time where it pays to be crazy and definitely the only time pleading ‘insanity’ is considered a smooth move. If you find yourself in court on murder charges and all signs point to you being guilty because you are guilty, having the judge declare you legally insane is basically your only Get-Out-Of-Jail card. Crazy murderers don’t get sentenced to death because it wasn’t really their fault. Crazy murderers also don’t get sent to staby federal penitentiaries, but rather to mental institutions where they can get psychiatric help and be taught how to express themselves through art-therapy…and eventually make millions.
5 – Dealing With Customer Service Departments
Being forced to call the customer service number of a major company can often be the most frustrating and hopeless experience a person can have. These are people who don’t really care if they can’t help you, usually already have your money anyways and are talking to you from across oceans. If you weren’t crazy when you first placed the call, you probably will be by the end.
Understand this though, if you have a problem where you legitimately believe you’re in the right, there is a hierarchy to CS departments, and going berserk is the best way to get to the top. That’s why angry-crazy people usually get their problems solved and get some free crap for their troubles, and nice, accommodating people usually just get screwed. So without cursing – yell, scream, refuse to back down, threaten law-suits and make stuff up. Do what you have to. But if you feel bad about making your point heard loudly and crazily, you’ll just be another unsatisfied customer that gets no service.