If there’s one thing I can say with certainty it’s that I am not a good gardener. Nothing I ever try planting grows, and the plants I inherit already grown with instructions to, “Just water the damn thing and stop worrying,” soon wither and die. The cactus I bought two years ago collapsed upon itself during the first six months in my possession, I accidentally knocked the bonsai tree I was given for my birthday out of a third story window, and the only living plant in my house – a big green, leafy sucker who’s name I do not know – is always inexplicably moist and appears to be sweating. I don’t know what this means, but I assume that it is bad.

Despite my pitch-black thumb, I’d always had the notion of growing my own herbs. Not only do supermarket herbs cost money and are doused in pesticides I’ve always had the notion of pesticides, but my particular grocer has always had a proclivity for scratching various parts of his flabby anatomy while arranging the produce I eventually buy.

If you’re Italian you’re probably familiar with Sambuca and the many ways one can drink it.  For the rest of you who are wondering what the heck we’re talking about allow us to explain.

After water, coffee is the second most popular beverage on the planet, and with good reason too. In this new high-tech, entertainment-heavy, sleep-deprived world we find ourselves living in, coffee is what gets most people through their day. It’s what gives us the kick in the ass we need to get to work in the morning, and what keeps us motivated to stay there until the end of the day. It’s what gave us the jolt to write this article, and probably what’s allowing you to read it without passing out on your keyboard.

Coffee. Is there anything it can’t do? After a bit of research, we’ve decided the answer is no. So let us get you a little better acquainted with your old pal Joe as we present you with five amazing facts about coffee you never knew, but probably always wanted to if you’re the kind of person that’s into interesting facts about coffee.

There was a brief time in my life when I was plagued by insomnia. I couldn’t sleep and when I did, it wasn’t very well. Naturally I developed an unhealthy addiction to watching infomercials. Naturally. Rest assured that I’m not the type to “act now” and place my telephone order for a truckload of Sham-Wows, nor do I own a variety of revolutionary mops and do-it-your-self Bedazzlers. I simply enjoy watching infomercials.

If it wasn’t for my intense, yet unusual, interest in infomercials, I wouldn’t have been able to present to you this week’s Testing 1, 2, 3 segment.