After water, coffee is the second most popular beverage on the planet, and with good reason too. In this new high-tech, entertainment-heavy, sleep-deprived world we find ourselves living in, coffee is what gets most people through their day. It’s what gives us the kick in the ass we need to get to work in the morning, and what keeps us motivated to stay there until the end of the day. It’s what gave us the jolt to write this article, and probably what’s allowing you to read it without passing out on your keyboard.
Coffee. Is there anything it can’t do? After a bit of research, we’ve decided the answer is no. So let us get you a little better acquainted with your old pal Joe as we present you with five amazing facts about coffee you never knew, but probably always wanted to if you’re the kind of person that’s into interesting facts about coffee.
1 – Kaldi and the Legend of the Dancing Goats:
Not too many beverages can claim to have an elaborate legend surrounding their origin. Let alone one that involves dancing goats. The legend goes, that a long time ago in Ethiopia, there lived a goat-herder named Kaldi. Late one day, all of Kaldi’s goats ran off without warning. He spent the entire night searching for them, only finding them again early the next morning. Kaldi immediately noticed that his goats seemed full of energy; bouncing about and kicking their hind legs up around a strange green shrub with red berries. What was Kaldi to do? In an overall questionable move, he grabbed a handful of the mystery berries and stuffed them into his mouth. Soon, the goat-herder found himself experiencing the same vitality as his goats and began dancing around with them.
A sleepy monk on his way to morning prayer passed by the curious scene and became interested in the berries. He took some home, and ran a slew of experiments on them, one of which was to roast and boil them and then drink the resulting beverage. Coffee was born! He shared his findings with his fellow monks and soon, no one was falling asleep during prayers. The recipe for coffee began spreading from monastery to monastery, proving that even the most pious of monks that lived in a time where there was absolutely nothing really better to do, still consistently fell asleep in church.
2 – Poo Coffee is the Most Expensive Coffee
The rarest blend of coffee on earth is called Kopi Luwak coffee, named after the animal that craps it out. The luwak is a small wild animal, akin to a mongoose, and native to Indonesia and Vietnam. Its favorite thing to eat? Red coffee berries of course. Something about the way the luwaks digest the berries leaves the coffee-bean part very much untouched, letting it pass whole in the animal’s stool. Then some lucky stud sifts through the luwak poo picking out all the beans that are then cleaned and roasted and sold at $30 per four ounce package.
But why drink poo coffee? One can only imagine that Juan Valdez’s empire wouldn’t be what it is today if he insisted on having every coffee bean make its way through his Columbian bowels before being sold at ridiculous prices. Apparently the luwak’s digestive system changes the coffee’s chemical make-up, somehow making it more delicious. Also by having the animal personally choose each berry, you’re always guaranteed the freshest, ripest ones. As much sense as all that makes, you still have to wonder what was going on with the first guy that decided he’d rather get his coffee beans from a luwak turd, than at the grocery store like everyone else.
3 – Coffee Gets Its Own Holiday
People love coffee so damn much that Ireland, Costa Rica and Japan have all given it its own holiday. Yes, Coffee Day. Sorry water, you’re still taken for granted. This just goes to show that coffee as a beverage has become a cultural icon, and no matter how much people get, they always seem to be clamoring for more. Want proof? Since Starbucks became aggressive with its expansion strategies in 1987, they’ve opened an average of two new stores per day and show no signs of slowing down. And it’s not enough to just drink it anymore, it now needs to be celebrated right along with Christmas and Yom Kippur. In a predictable move, the Irish celebrate Coffee Day for a single day on September 19th, and then celebrate it again in the form of Irish Coffee Day (coffee mixed with booze) but this time for an entire week to round out the end of January.
4 – Better Than A Multivitamin
While the positive/negative effects of drinking coffee have enjoyed a longstanding debate in the health community, doctors are finally leaning towards giving it a solid stamp of approval. Well, four out of five of them are anyways, but ain’t that always the case? Coffee acts as an excellent source of antioxidants, has the ability to help people with asthma, and is widely believed to be preventative of Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s disease. Which we’ll bet is more than that huffy fifth doctor can say for himself.
The key, as with everything, is moderation. In the same way that drinking one glass of wine a day will help make you a healthy person, but drinking five glasses of wine a day will help make you a raging alcoholic, chugging back too much of that sweet, sweet java will only help turn you into a big ball of crazy. The ideal amount for a healthy adult is about two to three cups per day.
5 – It Literally Does Everything
Now that we’re all in agreement that coffee is a delicious, healthy beverage with a cool goat-filled history, that’s even awesome in poop form, guess what? It does a whole lot more too.
Got bad breath? Suck on a coffee bean and within minutes your mouth will be fresh and stink-free. Fridge reeks? Put a bunch of coffee beans in a bowl and stick it on the top shelf. The beans absorb foul scents and act as a natural deodorizer. Scratched your table? Rub some coffee grounds into any scratch on wooden furniture and watch the nick disappear as it gets stained and covered up. It’s also an excellent exfoliator, makes your hair softer if you rub it into your scalp while shampooing, and even repels garden pests if you spread its grounds around the soil. Take that green tea.
-Justin Fragapane