Bite This 5 Reasons a Porsche is Better Than a Baby — by Nadia G

| Thursday, 25 September 2014 15:53

PORSCHE

5) Less carbon emissions. Sure you recycle, have LED bulbs, maybe even compost that nasty leftover organic kale salad. But the second you spawn, your carbon emissions soar to an exponential FORTY TIMES what you were outputting pre-stretchmarks.

4) Cheaper. Three times cheaper to be exact. The cost of raising a child is $245,340, at this price you could have: three 911 Carrera’s, (or) two Targa 4’s, (or) four Cayman’s. I can already hear you breeders whining “How can you compare a baby to car?! Its a human that loves you!” Whatever, a Porsche may not love you, but it also won’t shit on your Louboutins or eventually pawn your engagement ring for some blow.

3) Makes you happier. Studies have proven that couples with children are less happy than those without. Have you ever heard of someone with Porsche being less happy than someone with a Kia? I. Think. Not.

2) Looks better. You may think your kids are cute, but honestly, unless you’re really good looking, they probably aren’t. A Porsche on the other hand is always good looking, even despite your crappy genes!

1) Over population crisis. War? World Hunger? All these can be resolved by less humans and more Porches. Here’s some simple math: More Humans = Less Resources = War. Less Humans + More Porsches = Cheaper Porsches. Supply & Demand my friends. #Science.

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